Monday, August 17, 2015

Full Leaden Jacket

Hi guys. Marathon training isn’t going great, and the job search is over for now, to put it lightly. So to cheer myself up, I’m going to talk about one of my favorite stories from history that we’ve forgotten.

               The Revolutionary War is important to America since it marked our independence and the victory of democratic self-rule in a modern era. But I’ve gone on record ON THIS VERY BLOG (you look it up, ya turkey) as testifying that we tend to overblow its importance across the world. Globally, the French Revolution meant WAY more and had a much larger scope in both boob-heavy paintings and chopped-off heads. But that doesn’t mean the subject isn’t ripe with its own fun turns of fate and cinematic life. I mean, why don’t we have a “hiding from the government” miniseries about the Revolutionary War? About the original Founders after they’ve signed their names to a treasonous document and now are fleeing from town to town and house to house, depending on the loyalty of people to put them up and provide for them? BUT NOOOOOOOO it’s all about Mel Gibson hunting down pretentious Englishmen to avenge Heath Ledger.

               Anyhoozle, this next one would not make a good movie. It would, however, make a FANTASTIC episode of Drunk History, and if you’re listening, people who make that show that might have already devoted a segment, have me on to do this. I’m a real entertaining drunk.

This is the story of a Founding Father named Oliver Wolcott.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015


             I get bored at work a lot. It’s not work’s fault. I’m just temping between student teaching and what is now clearly going to be substituting work, and I work with large sums of money. Yeah, sure, it’s just data entry, but the data I enter is often more money than I will get paid for the entire summer. I'm terrified of those big numbers and will only do the work I am 100% sure won't end up getting a whole branch bankrupt, which leaves me not doing a lot, often.
             Anyhoo, I found myself on Twitter recently during a particularly slow day. Someone had posted an article where they compiled the original version of oft-stolen tweets, found here. They provided a link to the search functions that would reveal copy cats. I scrolled through, trying to find my ol’ nemeses “parody” accounts. Instead what I found was a world that threatens to consume my very spirit.