Monday, October 7, 2013

Let's Start a Band

            I wrote this almost four months ago, but seeing as I’ve had nothing else come out of my stupid head and fingertips for that time, I figure I’ll post it. It’s just a list of band names, and how I figure a pun-heavy reviewer at a magazine would react to their freshman album. Yeah, I’m doing great. By now we all know about Rollerskates-A-Million, but I think these guys sound better, since they're a little more underground.

Pepe le Pow (They stink, hard!)

Remembering Sunday Morning (I wish I could forget!)

James Monroe and the Whigs (I wouldn't vote for these guys)

Sweet scarf, bro.
Scissorgrip (Cut it out, everyone)

The Old Man a Boat (They're sinking!)

Mead Five Stars (Were they just looking around and named their band after a notebook?)

Hunny Bunny Baby Bunch (It makes me want Hunny Bunny Baby Punch)

Signs and Cymbals (Whoever Signed these guys needs to crash!)

Between Our Toes (These jams really stink!)

Crown Follows Cross (Oh Jesus, crucify me.)

Blank Page After (I'd tear their page out of the book!)

Skinny Blue Lines (Are we still on notebooks? Is this a fad?)

The White Haired Professors (Hopefully these guys dont get tenure)

The Clock Strikes One (And one record is all they'll get)

Sans and the Culletes (I'd prefer to be sans this band)

The Third Estate (What, first notebook references and now French Revolution names?)

Late to Class (Wait a minute…)

Power to the Point (Is this all just one guy, bored in a class?)

The Corsican Generals (A French Revolution class?)

21st Century Luddite (Oh, we've moved on to the Industrial Revolution)

Been Zoning Out (Stop coming up with band names, kid, pay attention! Value your education!)

Devalue Your Education (Wait, can you hear me?)

Speak Up! (But, I'm a magazine reviewer, how are you seeing this?)

Borrow My Full Metal Jacket (That's... more of a album title than a band name)

Everyone's a Critic (Well that's my job, I mean, I work at Rolling Stone)

The Rolling Stones (That's pretty firmly taken)

You Know, Whatever (Pretty sure you can't do that)

Any Questions? (How are you doing this? What's happening?)

See You Next Week (Is class over?)

(Hello?)

(Why am I still here?)


Assembly Line Killers (I actually like that one.)

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