Here’s what volunteers I’m going to need;
I think I can find those on Craigslist, right? I’m sure. But other than the actual band, I’ve got everything planned out. Every hipster band needs a hipster name. Many good names exist; Flostin Paradise, Jimmy and The Smits, Drive-Thru Bypass, Time Horizon, and Mento and The Freshmakers, just for some examples. But even with all these, I’ve still devised the perfect hipster band name- Rollerskates-A-Million. It’s nonsensical, yet still sets the mood of… well, confusion. We’re being confusing ironically, don’t worry.
So what songs would Rollerskates-A-Million play? I’ve got it handled. In fact, I’ve got their entire debut album right here!
|It's a microphone, alright?|
Album: What’s In The News Today?
1. Have You Seen This? (Intro)
Sample: Have you seen this?/ Have you heard about this?/ It seems the president/ Has married a man named Chris!
2. Houston, Everything’s Okay
Oh, there’s a lot of talk going around town/ Sayin’ that my baby is driving me down/ But I’m here to say, that’s just not true/ I’ve got my baby/ And I’m missing my blues
3. Can’t Remember the Good Times
Sometimes it seems to me/ months go past in a grayscale blur/ I keep looking to others/ and know I’m looking for her
4. Argyle Beach Party
Come on down to the local park/ the local playground/ Your nearest beach/ They’re coming for miles around/ [Shouted in background] BRING YOUR CONVERSE!
You ask if I have a dollar/ that I can loan ya/ I can’t move/ Ca-ca-catatonia
7. Doodled Philosophy
Sometimes I feel/ like I’m somebody else’s drawing/ Amidst all the blue lines/ and margins clawing
We’re Rollerskates-A-Million/ so tie your shoes/ You better get ready to kick-dance/ and those hi-tops you don’t want to lose
9. Not Not So Perfect
Your hand slides up my thigh and you know what that means/ I’m sorry, I just creamed in my jeans/ I can’t be all what you thought you picked/ I’m not not notnotnotnot so perfect
10. Where Am I Going?
I’m following the little yellow lines/ seeing where they lead/ Suddenly my mind whines/ can you tell me where I’m going, please?
See? Those are $1,000 songs right there. Anymore, and we’d be selling out, of course.
But my preparedness goes beyond just that. Even if I don’t have all the songs for the upcoming albums, I do already have their names and cover art (literally) drawn up for them. BONUS: In a pinch, all of these albums names can double as side-project band names.
|Flames With A Gun|
|Saturday Night Self Portrait|
Rollerskates-A-Million is now open for gigs in bars and crappy house parties county-wide.
He blogs ironically,
P.S. The second man in "Flames With a Gun" is saying "I am fat and crudely drawn." And as for the flying pig? You'll have to ask Brian Thornburg.