Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Mick Goofs Off

     I'm in class right now. No kidding. There's a lady at the front of the room telling our teacher how to find sources. I don't think it's any stretch of the imagination to assume she's the only one listening. Seeing as the person next to me is on XKCD, and all three people I can see in front of me are on Facebook, I'm not feeling very guilty. The only challenge is quietly typing. But, I have to admit, I'm mostly writing this right now to relieve my boredom. I have no topic in mind for right now.

     So, what's in the news, huh? *Looks at newspaper* Uh, let's move on.

     I finished a story I've been writing for over nine months. It's 43 pages long. I have to break it into parts just to print it, as it exceeds the lab's printing limit. I'm probably never going to be done with it, though. Always finding typos and plot holes. Like how the big brain leaves the Earth for no raisin. My roommate looks the huge stack of paper and says, "What are you going to do with this?" Damnit, man! Let me have my moment of accomplishment before you bring me back down to Earth when I have to say "Uh... Have it?" I mean I really don't think these things through before starting all of my projects. How often do I play chess, much less play chess with a shoddily whittled set? In case you haven't heard, I'm making one of those, too.

     I hate the amount of time I will have to put into naming my kids. I was going to name my first child Luke, till I realized people would call him Lick. Lick Dickinson. That's not cool. Come on. I have to think like a middle schooler (more than normal) in order to head any mean nicknames at the pass.

I hate that cliche!
     I haven't even stopped to think of any girls names I will have to avoid. That's because I'm not having a daughter. College aged Mick just puts his foot down on that. Have you ever spent time with girls!? How am I supposed to deal with the problems of raising a child AND deal with all of their silly problems? Say I put them out for sports. If they win, they start yelling and jumping all around! But if they're so bad that they lose to girls at sports, then they all start crying. And if they're not doing either of these things, they'll be saying dumb things. Well maybe I could just not sign my kids up for sports, huh? WRONG. 1. My girl would have no friends which means MORE time I'd have to spend with her hysterical butt, and 2. Then I'd have to sign her up for dance. Have you ever seen these dances that the girls end up doing? You can't find sluttier clothed moves, save for maybe a Mormon strip club. Then you go to these competitions and there are the dads that you can just tell are dead inside.

     I can't imagine how they justify the obvious sexualization their daughters went through. My daughter's not going to know she has boobs till she's 18, and that's only because of health classes the public school system (let's admit it, I'm going to be a teacher: no private school for my kids) forces on her. I know some girls that had their mothers go to Victoria Secret with them to buy bras. Nope. I'm buying all of my daughter's bras in 20 packs at Wal-Mart, the same way I buy my socks. In addition to the "My daughter is growing frighteningly attractive" group, they'd be massively popular with the group that's just plain given up. You know, Twilight fans.

     This is rambling and everything but I still have half an hour to go in class. Ugh. I just died a little thinking about that. I wish I wasn't such a prolific writer, and this many words would take a lot longer. Yeah, yeah, that's right I just brag-complained.

     Well, class is done, and I finished our little activity to check to see if we were listening first. So, you know, LIKE A BOSS

He's been blastin' and laughin so long that even his ma'ma thinks that his mind is gone,
Mick Dickinson

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