This was going to be the best day of his life. Greg’s package had finally arrived, and after checking the contents, he made the decision to finally carry out his plan. Placing the box under his arm, he confidently strode out the door.
Not so confidently, he strode right back in to grab the smaller, much more important box from his desktop. In this new box was the secret to happiness for the rest of his life. He placed the small, velvety box inside the larger package, which he situated back under his arm, and once again strode out the door. This time with a medium amount of confidence.
Driving to the park, he glanced at the package on his passenger seat often, smiling and laughing at his reflection in the mirror between looks. Greg could not have told you how long that trip took: he felt as if it was both the shortest and the lengthiest trip he had ever taken. Arriving at the park that would stick in his memory forever, he got out and pulled the package out with him.
His jaunty, excited steps took him to a bench near the middle of an open area. The graveled path was at his feet, and he watched as joggers passed by. He did not know how long the wait would be, but Greg was a patient man, and was willing to sit, hand on the parcel, until it was time.
Luckily, the sun was still high in the sky when he saw her. The only woman that mattered in his life right now was jogging toward him, headphones in her ear.
“She’s beautiful,” Greg said reverently. He pulled out the large swatch of purple from the package and put it on. Hiding behind a tree, he looked through the hole at his more important box. Opening it, Greg saw the stunning diamond ring he had picked out earlier that week.
The time was now. Greg could hear his beloved’s footsteps crunching the gravel. Greg re-adjusted his mail-ordered fruit costume, took a deep breath and spun around the tree.
The jogger stopped short, confused. Greg got down on one knee and out of the mouth hole of a giant piece of purple fruit he said, “I think it’d be grape if you married me!”
His beloved looked into the costume’s great big white eyes, confused. “What is this?”
Greg grew hopeful. “Is that a yes?”
“Of course not. Who are you?”
Rising from his knee slowly, Greg said “Baby, I’m just a man who loves his puns.”
Just then, another man in a bright red costume rounded a tree some distance away. Yelling, he called out “It’d make me the appliest man in the world if you married me!”
Another man came out from an even further tree, and yelled even louder to make himself heard through his bright orange costume- “Orange you glad you didn’t say yes to these bozos so you can marry me?!”
The jogger turned in a circle. She looked at each becostumed man, screamed and sprinted back the way she had come.
Greg turned to the two other men. “Oh nice going, you fruits, you scared her away.”
A voice from just behind Greg spoke, “Oh darnit.” Greg turned to see another man in a cantaloupe costume. “I didn’t get to tell her what I thought of her melons.”