My last blog post featured me ending it by sharing one of my little known treasures- overly dissecting movies. This creates an entirely new atmosphere whenever the movie is viewed from them on. But this is a relatively new passion of mine, and it is only out-weirded by my half-complete chess set I've been making over the past four months. The ending to that post gave me an interesting idea. Many people always talk about taking the time to stop and smell the roses, but roses don’t smell that good and often they hide bees, ready for some slowpoke to stick his nose in their
beeswax business. So instead I subscribe to the much more succinct “Enjoy the little things.” Not only is this friendly to time, noses, and porch side gardens, but it also makes a worth-while pick up line for men lacking in the genitalia department (or so I've read, I wouldn’t know anything about that). So in my expert opinion, I decided that I’d go over my favorite “little things” in life that you all should stop to smell too. Wait. I’m mixing up my metaphors. Screw it, let’s just move on.
1. The pee shivers
For any female readers out there, you might as well skip this section. But in case you want to learn just what I’m talking about, the pee shivers are an intense physical reaction to emptying your bladder. Although there is a fancy science name for it (Post-micturition convulsion syndrome) there is no explanation as to why it happens. All I know is that it happens most often when you’ve had to pee for quite some time, and that I enjoy it so much that I will hold off peeing for as much as half an hour under the pretext of being busy so that I’m more likely to experience it. The whole event is made even better if one makes a sound during the shiver, most of which are unspellable, but I’d approximate it to be “hurbabdurp” said very quickly. Also, in unrelated news “unspellable” is ironically not a word, according to Microsoft Word.
2. Looking things up on Wikipedia to sound smart
Exhibit A- Post-micturition convulsion syndrome. Case closed.
3. Throwing your underwear to your hands with your toes
After a long, tiring day, there’s nothing better than getting ready for a shower. But in a dorm room, you can’t leave your used underwear lying all over the floor, and instead much bunch it up in a single corner somewhere. How will you get it there? Why, by grabbing them off the floor with your toes, tossing them up in the air, and catching them with a free hand. Bonus points for taking your undershirt off at the same time as the same arm swings down to grab the boxers.
4. Being tired at night
Speaking of a long and tiring day, what is better than being so tired that your bed feels like the most comfortable thing in the whole world? Whether it is from a workout, a hard day at your job, or the fact that your wife had daughters (something I’m not going to allow to happen), collapsing into your own mattress before sleeping is bound to elicit at least an “mmmmmmm” noise from me.
4.a Bed farts
Bed farts are the ultimate way to say “Screw you world, with all your social stigma and problems! I’m in my own personal, comfortable world and I’ll do as I damn well please before I go off to dreamland.” Bed farts are the middle finger to caring what others think, and the thumbs up to being as relaxed as possible.
5. Really good high fives
I don’t do a lot of things well, but when I do, I like to celebrate with a high five. I’m like that most interesting man in the world, but with high fives instead of Dos Equis. And lucky half court shots instead of interesting adventures. But a high five goes so much farther than a fist bump does. A fist bump is designed to be a calm, cool, and collected celebration, used to suggest that this sort of thing happens all the time. High fives are the physical equivalent of an angrily written letter. Gratifying and best enjoyed when it can be seen by all. The best high five to do is the over-under. To complete the over-under, you slap hands with a friend and continue the motion and meet, slapping hands at the bottom of your shoulder’s radius of motion. This high five is so amazing to pull off successfully that doing so deserves its own high five.
6. Randomly selecting the exact number of things you need
When I do laundry, I need quarters. I dig my hand into my little fish oil plastic bottle and pull out a handful. When I get down there, I use every single one and I do not need nor want any more. This experience deserves a clenched fist raised in victory. It can be applied to passing out the exact number of papers needed in a classroom, or perhaps packing so that you’re wearing your last shirt on the way home. It says “World, I know how you work, and darn it, I’m going to beat you at your own game. The game of numbers of things.”
7. Waking up early and realizing you can sleep in that day
Although the rest of this list was not ordered in any specific hierarchy, I honestly believe there is no greater small pleasure than forgetting to turn off your alarm. Getting to wake up to turn off your alarm only to fall gracefully back asleep is like Monday’s fantasy has become Saturday’s reality. Bonus points when the alarm is unneeded due to a snow day. Unfortunately, I’m at college, and UNI doesn’t have such trivialities.
So there you have it. Seven things that you can turn to and count on to shove a little joy right into your life’s miserable little face. Don’t worry, eventually I’ll bring you all back down with a “7 Little Things I Can’t Stand” post, but for now, just turn off that alarm, fart, and go back to sleep.
The man who can smell the roses without stopping,