Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Plot Twists R Us

Okay, get this. A high school student joins the foreign exchange program. She gets sent to some country like England or perhaps New Zealand, because she doesn’t want to learn a new language and would prefer to avoid most cultural barriers. While there, the country’s military stages a coup, unseating the traditional government and setting up an oppressive rule by military force. Now this girl is caught up in a whirlwind of political upheaval and insurgency outside of her home country. Also, some sort of love triangle develops between a young insurgent and another boy who has become loyal to the new junta. At the end, she is rescued by a team of Navy Seals in the dead of night, leaving behind all of those who housed her and rescued her from dangerous events. Think Red Dawn meets V for Vendetta with an element of teen romance. Plus, with all this uncertainty in the world these days, can we be so sure it wouldn’t happen to us?!
               
 Did your spine just tingle? Cause I’ve got a million ideas like this. Obviously, what with the blog, the whittling, and the being generally handsome, I don’t have time to write that book or shoot that movie. And college I guess. That gets in the way. But others could make it. Honestly, what else does Stephen King have to do? Go out walking? I’d let him insert himself into the crappy ending he would write to cap off the awesome rising action. I know Dean Koontz isn’t busy. Shoot, I’ll take a screenplay by the guys who wrote The Expendables, which is saying something. Just give me like 5% for the idea. I know it’s been done before. Tom Clancy hasn’t written a book in 20 years, but still gets his name sprayed everywhere. My idea would work on multiple levels. Romance for the ladies, a bunch of explosions for the manly men, and maybe even some hilarious fish out of water moments for whoever actually likes that stuff. I’ll write the tagline myself. “This time, New Zealand returns to… something something.” I figure it out later.
Emma Stone stars in Kiwi Dawn!
Zucker needs the help now more
than ever.
  Or, I could get a job writing throwaway gags for David Zucker. The director of such classics as Airplane!, Top Secret!, and several other films which wreak havoc with Microsoft’s grammar check, could use a revival in the wake of the rise in (Blank) Movie movies. Unrelated puns are my specialty, with a minor in sight gags that go unnoticed without my explanation. Get this. A man hands his acquaintance a business card. We see over the acquaintance’s shoulder that the card is a simple note card and written upon it, in crayon, is only the man’s name. No one makes any mention of it for the rest of the movie.  Hilarious. “Oh, I know a little German. He’s standing over there!” THAT COULD BE ME! I COULD MAKE A LIVING OFF OF THAT! I want this future more than Pat Dayton wants a pet polar bear.

 But think about it. People have different talents. Some people are good at details, dialogue, and emotional connections. Others, like me, are good with overall plots and unrelated jokes. Don’t force our two cultures into one! Respect our differences, and hire these people seriously. You could avoid Stephanie Meyer thinking that she is good at descriptive narration, and Quentin Tarantino can take inspiration from obscure Chinese film makers legitimately. Speaking of unrelated jokes, did you know kangaroos taste rubbery? It’s probably because they’re so bouncy. Hey, you’re reading this, don’t blame me.

My brother has pointed out that the title of my blog should be Flancrest Enterprises, instead of the sexier, more modern Flandercrest Enterprises. And to that I say, “Screw off, Matt.”


You teach me and I teach you,
Mick Dickinson

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